So, I plan to move all my videos onto this blog page as a place to view them all at once. I've fallen off my bandwagon it seems. I really really want to lose weight though. I really really want to go to the gym and listen to my music or watch a movie, or swim. I WANT to do those things. I want to eat healthy and not have so much salt. I want a lot of things but the things I want most I'm having just a little trouble with.
I'm finding myself having to start over in the friendship arena again. I always hear about people that have to start over with a new boyfriend, a new girlfriend, whatever, but not best friends. That's not one you hear very often. I want someone to go to the gym with me. Someone I can curl up to with a movie and its not going to be some weird "you guys are lesbos" kinda thing. Ryan and I have settled into that kind of a pattern. I just really would like a girl that I can hang out with.
The sad thing is that I know a few, would love to see them and hang out but with some the relationship is still too new, and with others the relationship for some reason isn't as strong as I wish it was. I'm not sure why. I just know that every text message I send out to anyone of the female persuasion (unless they're family) has me biting my nails in anxiety. "Will they text back? Am I being too pushy? Do they find me interesting? Am I being clingy? Are they going to use me for my money? How can I make sure that doesn't happen?" It gets darker and darker in my thoughts. I just don't know what to do. How to find what I'm looking for? But, either way, I need to stop hiding out and just go back to the gym. So, tonight after work, I've got a date with an elliptical and/or pool.
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