So much frustration.

I have done slightly better today with food at least I'm not a million calories over like  I usually am.  But I'm incredibly unhappy.  I'm unhappy that I haven't been making my weight loss a priority.  I'm unhappy with the situation I'm in at work.  I hate my full time job and my boss is driving me crazy.  Some of my staff are driving me crazy. And the staff I actually like are all leaving.  I can't find a job to save my life it seems but maybe I'm not trying hard enough.  Maybe I need to look at Affinity or Aurora.  Maybe being loyal to the companies I've given my time and effort to the last several years was a mistake.

I'm not 100% sure of what I want to do for my Masters Degree.  I had imagined myself for a long time as someone that would be a great Psychologist.   Getting my Psy D seemed the best option for me.  But while I love counseling people, I'm not sure I enjoy this line of work.  I have this image of myself that I want to get to.  Thin, professional, knows how to party but smart as a whip.  I really enjoy working at Thedacare and I can see myself moving up, being a business-woman working in healthcare in an administrative role.  I like the idea of working in the 222 building near where I live.  And Oshkosh has a degree that should help me move forward in that respect.  But will it?  I have a bachelor's degree and 5 years of experience and I can't get a full time job with Thedacare to save my life!  Maybe getting that Masters will do NOTHING.  Maybe I'll waste 3 more years and get nowhere.  And I'll have to start over working on a Masters in Psych or Social Work and I'll get a Psy D at 40 and have mountains of student debt and still never get hired or promoted.

What do these fucking companies want!?  What do I want!? And will I ever get there? 

MInd over matter.  If you want it you've got to work for it.  I've worked.  Hard.  But now it's time to work harder and get what I want.  No more pleasing these mother fuckers that waste my time, talents, and effort.  No more swallowing my feelings with chinese food and cake.  Bring on the drinks though.  A girl deserves a good beverage here and there.