week 2 of cheat to lose

So, it's been almost a full two weeks. I have one day left of the 2nd week of the priming phase of cheat to lose. The first week I had a headache for two days while I completely avoided carbs. The lack of carbs made me a little crazy. It was like PMS for the last few days. Then week two I added fruit back in. Super exciting for me. I continued avoiding most processed grain type things. One high fiber wrap a day. But it seemed like this adding in of one wrap had me breaking my resolve. And we wont even get into the pizza party mishap 3 days ago. Next week I add whole grain carbs back in while severely limiting fat intake. Should be interesting. I plan on eating whole wheat spaghetti all week. Haha.
So how'd the weight do? Well I started the diet at 224.6. By the end of the first week I was down to 220.0. So 4.6lb weightloss. But they warned me on week two the scale would creep back up a little but that i'd continue to lose inches and fat. My weight this morning is at 221.4. So i'm not panicing yet. The book warned me of this. I also have another secret weapon.
I've really been trying my best to stick to working out. This past week I went swimming 6 times, played tennis, went hiking, went for a walk, worked out on elliptical.
So there's my little update. I'll try to do a video someday soon.

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As usual...frustrated!

It's been a long annoying day at work. I've been reading my aunt's book called "The Cheat to Lose Diet" and I'm at once irritated and interested. The book explains an odd phenomena that I have experienced multiple times. Often when I'm sticking to my diet I see no result for several weeks and then I have a day where I eat terribly and suddenly my body drops 3-5lbs. This phenomena pisses me off and the book explains that it has to do with a hormone called leptin. Basically our bodies have an abundance of the hormone but like those who are insulin resistant, our bodies don't recognize it readily. The cheat to lose diet is supposed to re-tune our bodies to acknowledging and using this hormone. But I'm frustrated with this whole approach because I'm already looking at some recipes and knowing I won't be able to work them into my everyday diet easily. I also know that it's going to be annoying as hell doing the low carb phase...really any phase that doesn't allow me to eat fruit. I eat really healthy according to the food pyramid. My boyfriend says as much...but he also let me know that I eat A LOT. Which basically makes me go FUCK YOU to everything. I go from not wanting to eat anything to eating everything in sight, all because of emotions I'm trying to contain. I got so stressed out at work today that I ended up throwing up the little bullshit I did eat today. My weight isn't budging and my aunt says I need a shock to my system to kick start it into weight loss. This makes some sense, but why does my healthy-ish eating habits have to NOT help me.
I don't particularly want to do this diet, because I'm worried that the 3 week prep phase is going to be a waste of time and I don't want to waste 3 weeks. I also don't want to sit and count carbs and make out menus for myself that won't allow me the flexibility that I have with eating lots of fruit and snacky things as I run around like a moron at work. I can't even type right now. But there's your tiny update.

Frozen.

We got back from another little jaunt on Phish Tour and hit up SuperBall IX. We drove all the way to New York. My salt intake when on the road is astronomical. I never allow myself any Doritos while at home but on vacation they become a free for all. I ate 14 servings over 4 days. We ate a little better than we have in the past, but all the drinks we had were calorie heavy (beer, capt. and coke, orange juice)and it was just hard for me to keep tab on the calories consumed. We're always walking and dancing on the festival days so I don't get why I gain so much. I always lose like 5 lbs in the first few days after getting home though. So, I'm not going to freak out or even post weight right now.
I am feeling a little frozen at the moment about what to do next. My problem is this: I've never been able to lose weight on any diet. The closest thing to a diet that I stuck to and was successful at was falling in love or breaking up with someone.
I looked a little closer at my behavior and eating habits during those times and this is what I have to say.
While I understand that "science" dictates that we must have at least 1200 calories a day to survive and be healthy and that dipping below this amount will make us go into "starvation mode" I'm beginning to not give a f*ck what "science" says. I've decided to go with what my body says. Not my brain. Not these stupid diets. Not my emotions or anything else.
What did I eat on a typical day where I was losing weight? What was my behavior? How did I feel?
I remember. The first time I lost a significant amount of weight my food intake on any given day was...no breakfast. bag of doritos and gushers for lunch, or no lunch, and a whopper jr and a salad or chicken, rice and veggies for dinner. I ate one serving of meat, 2-3 of veggies and 1 serving of carbs at dinner. I didn't snack, unless it was on an apple around 3pm when I got home from school.
The 2nd time I lost weight I remember one day under lock down where I ate nothing for breakfast, half an egg salad sandwich for lunch and a small dinner...perhaps no dinner at all. I had no appetite. I ate when my stomach really wanted food. I stopped eating when my stomach said, ok, I'm done complaining now. Sometimes I ignored my stomach completely. After about 30 min the growling and grumbling would stop.
There was a lot going on at these times in my life. Behaviorally I was too caught up in other things to care about food a whole lot. What I ate was in the back of my mind and the weightloss made me happy and motivated me to continue on with my habits. However, it didn't preoccupy my mind at any time other than dinner time. I only began to backslide when I'd start to think about food and weightloss and start obsessing over the scale. I'd get on like 3x a day. Possibly more. Eventually the mind set I had would go away. Either I'd become comfortable with a man and gain, or I'd heal from the pain of my break up with that man and begin to put weight on again.
I was happy the first time I lost weight. I had my first job and was always busy and moving and I had school from 8am until 3pm. Men began noticing me and I loved the attention. So eating and obsessing stepped away for awhile.
The 2nd time I was sad from losing my boyfriend. He broke up with me and I just didn't want to eat. I couldn't sleep. I was an absolute mess. I was always pacing then though, and again, food and the scale weren't my primary concerns. They were in the background and what was most important was trying to find a way back in with him.
I remember this odd "buzzy" feeling from those times. An energy that was in-containable and not unlike the feeling I get when I've had too much caffeine but haven't hit the sick stage yet. It was natural for much of it though. I used caffeine occasionally but not nearly as often as people think.
So the question is, how do I get to that point for me?
The second time isn't really doable. I can't have my boyfriend and I break up for the sake of weightloss. He's a big part of the reason I want to lose weight. So, I need to go back to the first time. I remember constantly thinking "Would Ed want a girl that ate that food?" "Would Mike want to be with a fat girl?" "Nope." So I would walk away from whatever food was tempting me. I would find something to do to distract me from food. I drew. I went for a walk. I hung out with friends. I designed clothing. I worked. I did homework. I talked to people on the phone and paced around. My schedule was also pretty regimented. I got up at 6:30am and went to bed between 11pm and 2am. I slept late on the weekends. I was typically busy from the time I woke up in the am until I went to bed at night.
I need to recapture this. I need to not care about food and the scale so much. I'll probably post more later. Right now I suddenly feel that I have a lot to do.