Everything seems to irritate the hell out of me lately. I haven't been sticking to my diet lately as well as I'd like to. I haven't been posting to my calorie counter as regularly. Little things mess me up each day. I feel closer to my partner than ever before, most of the time. But, like most men, he finds himself perplexed by my emotions. When I complain about my weight he says, "Well, if you'd do exactly as I say, you'd lose weight." He never gives me any exact steps though. He says to work out more and eat less. The sad thing is that when I do try to work out more, he isn't there to talk to. I really crave a female companion to talk with while I walk or swim or whatever. I have my elliptical now, but it's been very warm in the house the last few days and I've been working more hours lately than is normal for me. I'm tired. I'm eating at the wrong times. I kinda stopped with my atkins breakfast shake thing because I got a little bored. Now I'm messed up again. I woke up this morning at a weight of 219.6. Not horrendously bad considering I was up to 222.2. I just always seem to lose sight of my goal at the most inopportune times.
I'm lonely I think. While I've made some decent friends, people have gotten a little busy again. The people I spend the most time with have been gone to a music festival the last 3 days, which is about how long I've been screwing up my diet and not exercising. It's also exactly how long it takes for me to somehow put back on weight that I lost over a day. This time, I don't think I'm at that point, which is good, I think. I think that I've caught myself a little earlier. But things are strange and I just want to cry today. I'm also extremely thirsty because it was VERY warm today. Got up to 91 for the first time this year. I feel sticky and nasty. Tired of course. Mostly lonely. I could text Sara and see if she wants to go for a walk but I don't want to bother her since she just got back. I could bother Liz. However, she's been kinda down lately too, and I'm not sure I can handle the stress. Though, it seems those situations are where I excel. Tomorrow's another day and a more typical one. I'll pack my food correctly again and go to the gym after work. I should try to figure out a cheat day. It seems like if I have one, it turns into 3 or more though. Some people just can't work well with them.
I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out calories when someone else cooks or if I get food somewhere and can't really measure what I'm getting. The worst is when a "serving" is 800+ calories, or a serving ends up being too small to fill me up somewhere fast like Taco Bell. I can sometimes get by making the "healthy" choice, but more often than not, I'm still hungry afterwards and I don't know how to fix that. I'll keep trying though. Wish me luck!
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