I have done slightly better today with food at least I'm not a million calories over like I usually am. But I'm incredibly unhappy. I'm unhappy that I haven't been making my weight loss a priority. I'm unhappy with the situation I'm in at work. I hate my full time job and my boss is driving me crazy. Some of my staff are driving me crazy. And the staff I actually like are all leaving. I can't find a job to save my life it seems but maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I need to look at Affinity or Aurora. Maybe being loyal to the companies I've given my time and effort to the last several years was a mistake.
I'm not 100% sure of what I want to do for my Masters Degree. I had imagined myself for a long time as someone that would be a great Psychologist. Getting my Psy D seemed the best option for me. But while I love counseling people, I'm not sure I enjoy this line of work. I have this image of myself that I want to get to. Thin, professional, knows how to party but smart as a whip. I really enjoy working at Thedacare and I can see myself moving up, being a business-woman working in healthcare in an administrative role. I like the idea of working in the 222 building near where I live. And Oshkosh has a degree that should help me move forward in that respect. But will it? I have a bachelor's degree and 5 years of experience and I can't get a full time job with Thedacare to save my life! Maybe getting that Masters will do NOTHING. Maybe I'll waste 3 more years and get nowhere. And I'll have to start over working on a Masters in Psych or Social Work and I'll get a Psy D at 40 and have mountains of student debt and still never get hired or promoted.
What do these fucking companies want!? What do I want!? And will I ever get there?
MInd over matter. If you want it you've got to work for it. I've worked. Hard. But now it's time to work harder and get what I want. No more pleasing these mother fuckers that waste my time, talents, and effort. No more swallowing my feelings with chinese food and cake. Bring on the drinks though. A girl deserves a good beverage here and there.
