Am I a failure?

I've seen no weightloss. Nothing. But today I don't care that much. I just want to try again. Find something that works for me. Stop having this consume my whole life.
I tried cheat to lose. My aunt lost almost 30 lbs. I didn't lose anything. I just had headaches all the time from carb withdrawal. I had no energy. I missed eating fruit and never got the no fat thing down on high GI days.
Isn't the whole point to find something sustainable for me, long term?
School starts soon and I'm ordering a new book with my school books. It might be bullshit. It certainly sounds like it is. But nothing else works for me. I've calorie counted and been told I'm in starvation mode. I've upped my calories and thusly gained weight. I tried Jenny Craig, weightwatchers, excercising more, following the food pyramid, vegetarian, I can't even go on anymore with this crap.
So next book is the last book. After that, I'm just sticking to my "healthy" eating habits of lots of fruits and veggies, plenty of protein, limiting my refined carbs, and I'm going to do activities I enjoy, like swimming, and going for walks with my puppy. (I'm really looking forward to her getting big enough to actually complete a mile or two, she's only 12 weeks old!) After that, my body can be damned. I just dont understand. I'm smart. I'm reading labels and following directions. Either I have to go at 800 calories or something is seriously wrong. For now, I say fuck it. On with the rest of my life.

Tela!

My partner and I just adopted a 9 week old golden retriever. We named her Tela. That said, life with her has been interesting. She's gotten much more adventurous (sp?)and naughtier as she grows accustomed to us and learns the rules of the household. She's a good girl though and usually comes when called if she isn't feeling lazy. I haven't had as much time to hit the gym since we got her on friday. We were going around 5 days a week for the last month otherwise. Now I spend my time teaching her commands and how to play nicely when I'm not at work. My cheat to lose diet hasn't been going real great because my attempts at frugality and overly busy schedule means I'm eating on the run and eating things I technically shouldn't. But my aunt is 22lbs down and feeling pretty great. The low carb part of the diet leaves me with very nasty headaches. I'm annoyed with food. I could take it or leave it. Whatever. I'll get back on track. And once Tela is bigger she'll be getting nice long walks with me...
I have a new video. Just haven't posted yet. Stay tuned!

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