Renewal

I'll be posting another blog shortly showcasing some of the apps I've been using or begun using on my Android device.  Here I just want to put a little blurb about how things are going.

I have to say...it's been a little crazy.  I recently found out that a close friend, a bit troubled in her life, has ended up in jail.  We're unsure when she is getting out.  I feel bad for her.  I hope she makes better life choices when she gets out.  I hope for the best for her.  I really do.

As for me, stresses with updating the house, money issues between Phish tour and my school aspirations have made things somewhat difficult.  Today though, I feel a bit of a humming rhythm to it all...I'm hoping it stays.  On a very personal note, physically, my monthly friend (whom only seems to visit every 2 months) has been hell.  Major back pain and nausea have derailed all exercise attempts this month.  I know it will get better.  Monday I plan to start "gyming it up" again.  I'm going to schedule in planned workouts, either classes, swimming or cardio and see where that takes me until I go to California. 

I have a new workout and diet buddy, and an old one.  Becca (not sure if I talked about her previously) is a co-worker and she is hoping to lose 40lbs this year.  I'm hoping to lose 57.  Scheduling with her has become harder recently.  She works like I did when I was her age.  Haha.  Danielle has been getting me pretty motivated lately.  She's training for the tough mudder! I think she may be crazy. Which is super awesome. f

As for weightloss...I've finally gone down a bit. Yay! Might do a video soon. This will be the year! Because I want it.

When?

When is my time going to come? You know. That time where everything works the way it should and I reach all my goals and everything seems perfect minus minor everyday issues. Those cute issues, like my partner and I bought each other the same present, or I forgot to take out the garbage. Right now, I'm irritated as hell about a couple of things. 1. I went nutso on my diet yesterday. Like totally lost control, didn't give a shit, lets see how much I can eat insane. I ate 2300+ calories. I refused to get on the scale this morning. This was probably a smart thing at least. 2. I have run out of money for school. So now I have to attempt to save up and do payments next semester. I'm going to have to drop a major to be able to finish in the next year, so I can go on for my Masters. Part of me is sad. I put all this effort into having a double major and now I won't be able to finish it. I'm told that, at a later date I could perhaps add that major back in...but I don't know what to do with that. I am excited about finishing faster, I just don't know if it will leave me with good enough grades to get into the school I want to go to in Milwaukee. 3. Everyone is getting engaged right now! Fucking everyone! I had this thought today. I am the type of girl that will stick by her man regardless of how infuriating, rude, or stupid he is, as long as there is still love. Which means, that I may be standing here a long time. And never walking down an aisle. I want him to know this: while I am a girl who will sit here and wait for you forever, you are killing me by never asking, and never saying I love you. Needless to say, it doesn't help issues. 4. I'm constantly getting insulted by people telling me in their own way that I am fat. Yet I also have people asking me if I've lost weight. WTF is going on! I had some fat dressing room attendant at walmart insist that I put a pair of small shorts back, even though they fit me, simply because they are "small". They don't fit me small....they fit like normal shorts. They're crappy walmart clothes, so of course sizing is crap. Sometimes an XL is way too big, sometimes it's way too small. I have also been informed that I look pregnant in my summer dresses. Thank you. Also, fuck you. What I don't get with number 4, is why these comments, while upsetting, aren't kicking my ass into gear to lose weight. What gives? That's what it took several years ago. Someone to insult my weight and eating habits until I cried and then I had no problem quitting the food obsession. So frustrating. I constantly vow to do better....but right now it's hard. Maybe if I can get my kitchen whipped back into shape, I will have an easier time preparing healthy things. I will also need to schedule in cardio time again...every night, for at least 30 minutes. Wish me luck with the bs.