I've been using my fitnesspal for quite awhile. Today, I wrote a letter to a friend i made on there because I was having major difficulty the last few weeks sticking to my guns with things. I am publishing it here so I don't lose it. Thanks for the message! I can't blame anyone but myself that I'm having so much trouble getting back into the swing I had a few weeks ago. My food pitfalls lately, are: 1. I've been pretty lonely. My partner has literally refused to cuddle or be intimate with me since he started working out everyday. He says he's tired and sore when he finally comes to bed. Which means I can't touch him. He gave me some attention last night, but only because I think, when I used a hypothetical situation, he realized I was gearing up to leave him. 2. I started another class and am taking stats. The only thing that gets me to stay at my computer and study is a bag of something carby and salty. Like doritos. Or sunchips. With these things in hand, I miraculously work through homework that frustrates the hell out of me. Then I'm bloated and over my calorie limit. 3. Due to number 1+2 I am not keeping a close track of my calorie intake. While I try to check in and keep track, when I get sad or need to focus on homework, I eat. Part of it is embarrassment now. Then, there are the exercise pitfalls: 1. Because of homework, my new class, and trying to complete a flooring project, I'm not doing cardio like I was when I was actually losing. I don't know how you do all the things you do. My job isn't totally sedentary. I have to go up and down stairs visiting all my clients. I help them cook, clean, shower, whatever. But scheduling has become a b*tch. Mon, Wed, Fri I get up at 7:15am. I'm at work doing internship hours by 8:30am, I leave at 12:30, drive home to let the mutt out, then I go to work from 1pm until 9pm. As soon as I get home, if Ryan is home, the demands start. "I'm hungry, the kitchen is a mess, I need laundry done..." So, while he works out, I cook dinner. After dinner, it's usually about 11:30pm and I'm getting tired. I try to do some homework, or fix whatever it is he was criticizing. It's usually well after midnight by the time I'm done trying to fix whatever it was. Then I try to relax and ask him to come to bed and he will ignore me, reading articles online (esp sports and Phish related stuff). Which stresses me out. Why are all those things more important? He says that is how he likes to relax. 2. So now, I find myself out in my garage smoking, because lets be honest, if I work out during that time, I'm never going to get to sleep. And if he suddenly decides to hug me, I don't want to be all sweaty. It's getting to a point of pure unadulterated anger at him. 3. So, what about Tues Thur and the weekend? Tues and Thursday I usually end up sleeping in too late because of utter exhaustion from the other 3 week days. When I finally get up around 11, it's to do homework and then go to class. Or skip class. Because maybe I can see a friend for a minute. Or maybe my uncle and I can get a headstart on the flooring in Ryan's house. When my uncle leaves, I'm pretty tired, but it's not the greatest workout ever. It's mostly just scraping flooring up with my arms. No really heavy lifting or cardio to it. Not yet anyway. The tile is heavy, but we aren't at that point yet. It's just one more thing to make me angry with Ryan. He refuses to help, physically or financially. He says it's my problem because I wanted to keep our dog after she ate the linoleum in the kitchen. I work every other weekend, but lately it's been every weekend.. I work from 1pm until 10:30pm. Sometimes, I can actually sneak a workout in! Great! 1x in the entire week, and I've already gone up in weight. Right now, this morning, I hopped on the scale and was back up to 220. I'm so frickin mad and frustrated and honestly, embarrassed i refuse to change it on here. I know part of it is just water weight. I did eat at least 2 servings of sunchips yesterday....probably more like 4, but I don't measure it, so it might as well be 6. Wow. This actually helped. Surprisingly. It's a new day, just like yesterday was. But I'm going to plan. My schedule is hellish, but I know what's coming and how hard this is going to be. That in and of itself should make it easier. I'm going to go home after this, actually prepare lunch and light dinner for while I'm at work, throw stuff in the crock pot, and I'm going to the FRIGGIN GYM at 9pm when I get done! Without Ryan! Eff HIM! Wish me luck, hun. Thanks for being a sounding board! And positive. And stunningly gorgeous inside and out!