After sticking to the slow carb diet for two weeks and seeing NO results (minus some water weight and headaches) I decided that it wasn't for me.
I think with most diets, people find themselves being successful because they were so out of control before they started the diet. I'm typically always in control. I feel that the few times I do lose control in a week should not be so detrimental that I stay where I am, slowly creeping up each year. I'm frustrated as hell. So I'm done with it. With the whole damn thing.
I'm returning to older habits. Not bad habits, necessarily, just old ones. I've come to the conclusion that its all bs. If I want to lose weight I need to change my mental attitude and I need to stop giving such a crap about what I'm eating. There is something to be said for eating when you're hungry and not when your just sad. There is something to be said for not giving food such a place of high importance in my life.
I recently finished reading the book, Nice Girls Finish Fat. It was an eye opener for me. I found myself in every chapter and I fully see the negative impact being kind has had on my life. Now I'm just angry. I'm so fucking angry. I'm disappointed in my friends and my partner. I'm irritated with some aspects of my family. I'm annoyed as hell with myself and the choices I've made. I just want to go hide somewhere for awhile. Not be around anyone. But, I have work and school obligations. I don't want to lose my friends even if I'm as annoyed as hell with some of them. I don't particularly want to be single (though that card seems to be playing itself out). Does someone have a hardwood floored closet I can stay in? Just me, my laptop and my dog? Maybe I mini fridge so I don't starve? Haha. I've been starving for a long time. Not for food, but for love and acknowledgement. Food became the replacement. And I attempted to control it and found myself having anxiety attacks over calorie counting.
So, like I said, I'm done. Done with this "healthy" crap. The number one fuck up for me is when I'm attempting to keep within my calorie range by eating food that I don't even really like and then having a meltdown and eating what I'm "not supposed to". Screw that. Food isn't supposed to be fun. It's fuel and nothing more. I'm apparently pretty damn lazy so I really don't need much. So, that's what I have to say. Since no one reads my stupid blog it doesn't matter what the hell I say anyway.
