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Wednesday, June 22, 2011
WTF body?!
This is crazy! In my last post I explained my freak out about gaining weight while on tour, following Phish. When I got home monday night I was at 231 lbs. The next morning on tuesday I went down to 228. Today I'm at 224. I ate around 1800 calories yesterday and decided I was way too tired to exercise. So what's so weird about this? I had to get up 3x during the night to use the bathroom. I almost never have to use the bathroom at night! I never have to "go" more than 3x a day...let alone 6x. It's just bizarre. But I'm happy that I back to my previous tour weight. If I can get back down to 214 before we leave for SuperBall 9, things should be pretty ok.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Vacation Setback
This past week, my partner and I followed Phish around the east coast for the first leg of summer tour. We stayed with his best friend and met lots of cool people and saw some great shows. Last year when I went on Phish tour I gained exactly ten pounds. I had a hell of a time trying to get it off. The best I could do was get down to 216 for a few days. Then my weight would creep back up to a "resting weight" of 218-219. Last year was about as perplexing to me as this year is. We walked everywhere, because we didn't have a car. We danced at the shows for a couple of hours each show day. We also went nuts in the food department. We had to go out to eat nearly everyday. Either buying meals from people on lot, selling their wares, or going out to local restaurants and trying places we wouldn't see back home in the mid-west. Somehow, for me the equation is completely screwed up.
Last night when I got home my weight was at 231. This is the highest number I've ever seen on the scale. I thought I could deal with it, but as soon as I got into bed I started to cry. I just don't understand why this has to be this hard for me. My partner did his best to console me. He actually lost a pound or two on tour. We were about equally active, and he ate as much as I did most days, sometimes more. We had one day where we didn't get to eat for nearly 24 hours because of an issue with transportation.
Yesterday, he and I went all out with the food because we vowed that when we got home we would start exercising everyday until the next time we leave for vacation. We also planned to eat healthy meals together.
This morning my weight is at 228. Exactly a ten pound gain again. I feel it too. My back hurts, my stretch marks that were faded seem to show more. My legs and feet look puffy to me. My arms look terrible. It all just hurts horribly.
I read an article on the plane ride home. It said that most heavy women are pleasers and we eat more than we should to console ourselves because we feel the world is constantly insulting us, taking advantage of us. The article really hit home for me. This tour wasn't an easy one. My partner and I had basically no alone time because we stayed with his best friend. I had so much fun, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I spend nearly every vacation watching out for, and taking care of my partner. This vacation it was basically doubled. So I spent all day trying to be charming and pleasing to all these people I met and take care of "the boys" as I began to call them, and when it came time to eat, I ate. I also didn't stop myself from buying any candy I wanted. I snacked on it constantly. M&M's, Twizzlers, Fruit Snacks, Starburst. I didn't really care much about my meals either. I'd order salad, but was NOT careful. I'd eat whole portions because: a. I deserved it. b. I was hungry. and c. because I had no where to save the food for later. I'm not one to like to throw things away.
Anyway, I'm taking a little hiatus from here. This setback has been crushing to me. I'm so sad and there is no way to take this feeling away at the moment. I'll be back soon enough.
Last night when I got home my weight was at 231. This is the highest number I've ever seen on the scale. I thought I could deal with it, but as soon as I got into bed I started to cry. I just don't understand why this has to be this hard for me. My partner did his best to console me. He actually lost a pound or two on tour. We were about equally active, and he ate as much as I did most days, sometimes more. We had one day where we didn't get to eat for nearly 24 hours because of an issue with transportation.
Yesterday, he and I went all out with the food because we vowed that when we got home we would start exercising everyday until the next time we leave for vacation. We also planned to eat healthy meals together.
This morning my weight is at 228. Exactly a ten pound gain again. I feel it too. My back hurts, my stretch marks that were faded seem to show more. My legs and feet look puffy to me. My arms look terrible. It all just hurts horribly.
I read an article on the plane ride home. It said that most heavy women are pleasers and we eat more than we should to console ourselves because we feel the world is constantly insulting us, taking advantage of us. The article really hit home for me. This tour wasn't an easy one. My partner and I had basically no alone time because we stayed with his best friend. I had so much fun, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I spend nearly every vacation watching out for, and taking care of my partner. This vacation it was basically doubled. So I spent all day trying to be charming and pleasing to all these people I met and take care of "the boys" as I began to call them, and when it came time to eat, I ate. I also didn't stop myself from buying any candy I wanted. I snacked on it constantly. M&M's, Twizzlers, Fruit Snacks, Starburst. I didn't really care much about my meals either. I'd order salad, but was NOT careful. I'd eat whole portions because: a. I deserved it. b. I was hungry. and c. because I had no where to save the food for later. I'm not one to like to throw things away.
Anyway, I'm taking a little hiatus from here. This setback has been crushing to me. I'm so sad and there is no way to take this feeling away at the moment. I'll be back soon enough.
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